Tuesday, February 07, 2006
you know, i've always been wishing for someone. someone who would hug me, someone that i could hug back. someone to say he loves me, someone i could love.
this potrait would be stuck in my mind.. of me in someone's (i don't see the face) arms, really close. he would hold me tight and even when he doesn't say a thing, i would know that he means that he would always be there for me, that he loves me and that he would never let go.
no one fitted this image. no one, that is, that i could think of. this dream was so far away. i would imagine it getting further and further away. it would be like the"zoom-out" of a camera. the white background, it would turn to black. then i would remember that it would be so far away.
so just last sunday. i was praying. i was praying and asking when i could feel that security. when i could actually feel like i was wanted. it went against whatever i thought about, like God being all our security, that He died for us and loves us so. i just kept thinking wordly things.
then we sang songs. just songs. empty lifeless songs that i tried to feel (and didn't). then i thought, and i thought.. did i really mean what i was saying? did i really? i always thought i did. then i meditated on the words. "He laid down his life" "made me whole" then i realised.
He was the one who held me. i didn't have to wait, i didn't have to wish, He was always there. right from the start. he held me close. he whispered in my ear: "I love you. i will never let you go, never." He even died for me. what more could i want?
why wish for an imperfect partner when my one true love is already here for me? He's forever loving me =)
i made it known at 8:42 PM
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